In this episode, I speak with Mark Harris, one of the UK’s leading male midwives and author of Men, Love, and Birth, about what birth can teach us about embodiment, presence, and the art of supporting another human being. Drawing on more than three decades of experience attending births, Mark challenges some common assumptions about what it means to help. He suggests that the role of a birth partner is not to fix, direct, or even empower the woman, but to be fully present and create the conditions in which her own innate capacity can emerge. It’s a fascinating perspective that has strong parallels with good coaching.
We explore the importance of the birth environment, the relationship between safety and the nervous system, and why privacy, consent, and a woman’s sense of sovereignty are so central to the experience. Mark shares how partners can recognise and manage their own stress responses, stay attuned to what a woman needs, and understand when touch, words, or practical support might be welcome – and when the best thing to do is nothing at all. We also discuss the limitations of birth plans, the power of language and expectation, the role of midwives and doulas, and how our assumptions about what is happening can shape the experience itself.
For coaches, this conversation offers a powerful reminder that transformation doesn’t always come from doing more. Sometimes the most valuable thing we can offer is a safe space, careful attention, and trust in the intelligence of the person in front of us. We also consider fatherhood as a potential rite of passage for men, the importance of responsibility and intimacy, and how becoming a parent can shift our sense of self and our place in the world. A rich and often funny conversation about birth, embodiment, relationships, and the wisdom of knowing when to step back.
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